Our day begins as my son SLAMS his bedroom door. He's awake (about 1-3 hours earlier than he should be) and mad at the world. I sigh and think to myself, "Here we go again...it's going to be one of 'those' kind of days." He has never gone back to sleep, even though his body is BEYOND exhausted, going on only 7 or 8 hours of sleep...far too little for a 3-year-old boy.
Our entire day is filled with this angry little boy who spews rudeness all over the place. "I don't WANT you!" or "Don't look at ME!" are staple phrases. He makes threats all day long: "I'm gonna throw this at you!" or "I'm gonna hit Naomi." or "I'm gonna spit at you!" His tone is mean, his brows furrowed. I try different things on different days to combat this angry little thing.
Sometimes I'll try humor...whether making jokes or tickling. I can usually get a quick smile out of him and even some forced laughter with the tickles. But I pay for it, because it only ticks him off even more. He comes out of the laughter with even harsher words and brashness.
I have tried ignoring it altogether. And all that does is make it escalate. If I pretend to not hear him, he yells even louder. I have also used a removal tactic. If he can't get himself together, I can't trust him around his sister or me or the dog. So he spends some alone time up in his room. He has plenty of books to read up there and usually throws complete tantrums before finally calming down to read by himself. I usually give him anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes of alone time when things are pretty bad. And tell him that I'll wait until he calms himself down before I let him come out.
I have used vinegar water in his mouth...reminding him the importance of cleaning out his mouth. He hates this method and ends up smelling like vinegar all day long. But it still does not deter him from letting his anger and rage torment our family. We have used other discipline methods, such as redirection, time-outs, spanking, and removing privileges. So far, we haven't found anything that has really worked to curb his negativity.
I spend lots of time praying over this child. I rebuke the spirit of anger that is covering him. I pray for peace and for love to cover his heart...fill him up...and overflow. But the problem is that he is perpetually over-tired....exhausted from not getting enough sleep at night. He is also ALWAYS hungry. Combine the two...and he is a MONSTER of a child. Unless he is being entertained. Then...he seems to forget about his "act" and seems quite enjoyable. He also has good days, when he is well rested and well fed...but those are few and far between right now.
I just don't know how to deal with the constant negativity from him. It really starts to wear on me after a few days of it. I just can't win. And I'm exhausted too! I confess that his negativity wears me down to the point of responding in anger myself. He pushes and pushes until I explode at him. Again, some days are better than others. But I spend most of my days, putting my hands up in the air and asking him, "WHY?" And then asking the Lord..."What is WRONG with my child?" Surely this can't be normal. Do all families deal with this? How are there not lines of people awaiting admittance to the insane asylums? ;) I feel like I'm about to go crazy!
When the day seems to be going especially difficult with many challenges, I will often resort to using the television. He enjoys it, doesn't yell at it, and it keeps him quietly engaged for 30 minutes at a time. But I am begging to know and hoping to find other answers to this challenging behavior. I am currently reading through TWO books on strong-willed children, and am fully expecting to gain some wisdom from these books. But he is more than strong-willed...he is ANGRY, moody, and just down right MEAN. And this mommy knows what it is to be strong-willed. But these constant attacks of anger and aggression are really throwing me for a loop here.
In the meantime, I will continue praying for him and for his little heart. I will continue to rebuke that spirit of anger in the name of Jesus (for all of us). And I will continue praying for wisdom to know what to do next. May I respond always in loving kindness...with a gentle heart toward him...regardless of how he treats me. May I be consistent in whatever I choose to do with him. And may I honor God in this important role that I have! I wish that I felt like I was on top of my game right now...but honestly, I just feel like I'm enduring this difficult season. It can't always be like this...it WILL get better, right? God I hope so!
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