Longing...

As I have read the account of Hannah's struggle with infertility in the Bible, I am challenged. She wept bitterly...she allowed herself to experience the deep longing...and she prayed. In order to cope with my pain, I have tried to run away and hide from my longing. I have been pursuing other, worldly things to fill my time and consume my energy. And I haven't been praying for it. My thinking was that God already knows the desires of my heart. He knows His plan for me. So why should I waste my time petitioning for this longing to be fulfilled? The answer: Because He wants me to.

I have grown weary and calloused in my desire. Maybe I am not fit to be a mother. What if God has different plans for me?

Lord, my soul is heavy. I realize that I have not been faithful in praying for this desire. So now I come before You, tentative and broken. Father, if it is Your will, may I experience the rich blessing of being with child, giving birth, and then raising them? May I grow in patience as I wait for that blessing! I can't help but day dream about being a mother. May You honor my desire and my prayers. You are in control - and so intimately involved in creating life. You are amazing! And Lord, please let not my gifts be wasted. Let not this longing fade, lest it be Your perfect will for me. The world will hear of Your blessings in my life, as I will be quick to share them! You are my joy and the very reason that I live. To You, oh Lord, be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen!